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Randomize humor
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver''s license?
Driver: I don''t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner''s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It''s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That''s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner''s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There''s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That''s where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There''s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who''s car is this?
Driver: It''s mine, officer. Here''s the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there''s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there''s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there''s a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don''t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn''t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?
Driver: Yeah, and I''ll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
Humor of the day
Q: What is every blonde''s ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I''m "sooo" drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I''m drunk!"
Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!
Q: Why can''t blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don''t know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that''s where you''re supposed to wash vegetables.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby''s diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.