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Randomize humor

Bits of information to help you through the day:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

A pig''s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still not over that pig thing!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn''t the pig included here?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmm.....)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
From drinking little bottles of...?)
(Did the gov''t pay for this research??)

Polar bears are left handed.
(I''m sure glad somebody found that out!)

A cockroach will live nine days without it''s head, before it starves to death.
( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male''s head off.
("Honey, I''m home! What the....")

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(hmmm...chocolate...doh!...not chocolate, not chocolate! BAD DOG!)

An ostrich''s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don''t have any brains.
(...and are now employed at JokesGalore.com!)

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the jerk upside the head.

Humor of the day

Q: What is every blonde''s ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I''m "sooo" drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I''m drunk!"

Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Q: Why can''t blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don''t know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that''s where you''re supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby''s diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.