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Randomize humor

Sung to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"

Come and listen to my story ''bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin'' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there''s a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena''s in the car taken'' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne''s henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.

Now peter and John couldn''t stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all we''re gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that
Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Even seam. Straight stream.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn''t show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case Closed.

Ya''ll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?

Humor of the day

181.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

182.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

183.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.

184.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.

185.
Q: How do you check a blonde''s IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.

186.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

187.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"

188.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don''t have to worry about blowing their brains out.

189.
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don''t shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don''t moo.

190.
Q: Why aren''t BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can''t even keep two calves together!

191.
Q: Why don''t blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

192.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

193.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

194.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

195.
Q: What''s a blonds'' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

196.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde''s eyes?
A: The back of her head.

197.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW''s
A: Because they can''t spell PORSCHE!!

198.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

199.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can''t bring beer from the fridge.

200.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.