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As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...
3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.
525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don''t try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women''s shot put.
214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn''t keep the neighbor''s dog out.
1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.
432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.
1297- The world''s first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox.
1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc''s case and cancels her death sentence. Unfortunately for her, she was put to death in 1431.
1607 - The Indians laugh themselves silly as the first European tourist to visit Virginia tries to register as "John Smith".
1755 - Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing young children with a book they can look up dirty words in.
1770 - The shooting of three people in the Boston Massacre touches off the Revolution. 200 Years later, 3 shootings in Boston will be considered just about average for a Sat. Night.
1805 - Robert Fulton invents the torpedo.
1807 - Robert Fulton invents the steamship so he has something to blow up with his torpedo.
1865 - Union Soldiers face their greatest challenge of the war: getting General Grant sober enough to accept Lee''s surrender.
1912 - People with Reservations for the voyage of the Titanic get their money back.
1934 - As if the Great Depression weren''t giving business enough headaches, Ralph Nader is born.
Humor of the day
181.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
182.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
183.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
184.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
185.
Q: How do you check a blonde''s IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.
186.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
187.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
188.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don''t have to worry about blowing their brains out.
189.
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don''t shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don''t moo.
190.
Q: Why aren''t BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can''t even keep two calves together!
191.
Q: Why don''t blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
192.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
193.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
194.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
195.
Q: What''s a blonds'' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
196.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde''s eyes?
A: The back of her head.
197.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW''s
A: Because they can''t spell PORSCHE!!
198.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
199.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can''t bring beer from the fridge.
200.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.