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Randomize humor
This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, ''hey there buddy,'' it hollers, ''you''re looking mighty fine tonight!''
The guy can''t believe what he is seeing. ''This sure is some strong beer!'' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak ,''hey asshole, go screw yourself!'' it yells.
The guy can''t believe it and decides to ask the bartender what''s going on. ''Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men''s room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.''
''Let me explain,'' replies the bartender ''the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order.''
Humor of the day
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON''T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn''t wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can''t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn''t get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.