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"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn''t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people"
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
"They''re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
-- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
-- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
"We''re going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"I''m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
-- Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge
"It''s like deja vu all over again."
-- Yogi Berra
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
-- Former French President Charles De Gaulle
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I''m just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas
"It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody."
-- Richard M. Nixon
"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet."
-- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots
"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
-- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
-- Everett Dirksen
"A verbal contract isn''t worth the paper it''s written on."
-- Samuel Goldwyn
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. "
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values
"I don''t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
"It isn''t pollution that''s harming the environment. It''s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
-- General William Westmoreland
"What a waste it is to lose one''s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
-- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
"I stand by all the misstatements that I''ve made."
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny