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» Site title: Rec.Guns FAQ
» Site description: Features this discussion group's FAQ, image archives, firearm sound library, and phone book with contact information for businesses, organizations, and people.
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Randomize humor
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament.
Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to
admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
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Dear Bill:
OK, so I''ll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
Gary Hart
----------------------
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that
charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit
that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant
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Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
Mayor Marion Berry
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Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren''t caught wearing Monica''s
thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I''m back on
TV for the fall.
Marv Albert
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Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I''m not jumping on the impeachment bandwagon
(note: this was written a week ago). Let me assure you, you''re not the
only one in Congress who thinks oral sex isn''t really sex.
Warm personal regards,
Newt
----------------------------
Dear Bill:
Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards
and invites her to come on her show anytime.
Frank Gifford
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Dear Mr. President:
Now I''m on the Supreme Court. I''m here for life! And there''s nothing
anyone can do about it! So there!
Justice Clarence (Long Dong) Thomas
--------------------------
Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself
into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole
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Dear Mr. President:
I think it''s terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away from it all, you''re welcome to
bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you
want. I''ll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can
have their room.
Michael Jackson
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Dear Fellow Sinner:
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
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Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Baker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.
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Dear Bill:
Next time (if there is a next time), don''t let them get you on tape. Big mistake!!
With sympathy,
Rob Lowe
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Dear Bill:
If I survived wanting to be a tampon, you can survive the cigar bit.
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually
manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I''ll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don''t have a sense of humor)
HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
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Dear Mr. President:
We invite you to be the cover subject of our next issue.
The editors, Cigar Aficionado magazine
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
- An association of the nation's leading manufacturers of sporting firearms, ammunition, and components. Currently publishes more than 700 voluntary standards related to firearm and ammunition quality and safety.