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Plan ahead... It wasn''t raining when Noah built the ark.
Stay fit. When you''re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
Don''t listen to critics - do what must be done.
Build on high ground.
For safety''s sake, travel in pairs.
Two heads are better than one.
Speed isn''t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles.
Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
Don''t forget that we''re all in the same boat.
When things get really deep, don''t sit there and complain--shovel!
Stay below deck during the storm.
The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
Don''t miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat...
No matter how bleak it looks, there''s always a rainbow on the horizon.
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny