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Randomize humor
A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman''s love tunnel.
''Oh God!'' she screams. ''Help me! There''s a bee up my vagina and it''s buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!''
''Let''s go says her mate, I''ll rush you straight to hospital!''
On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.
''What seems to be the problem?'' he asks.
''I''ve got a frigging bee up my vagina'' screams the woman. ''Get it out!''
''I see,'' says the doctor.''Well, there''s only one way to extract this bee. I''m going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.''
The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.
''Just an inch or two should do it,'' he says.
After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says ''Hmmm, it doesn''t seem to be biting. I''ll have to go deeper'' and slides it in all the way.
Suddenly he starts fondling her boobs with his hands, thrusting violently with his hips and moaning with what sounds like pleasure.
''HOLD IT!'' says the boyfriend, ''What are you doing?''
''Change of plans!,'' shouts the doctor...
''I''ve decided to drown the little bastard!''
Humor of the day
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas, Johnny''s dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning.
Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin'' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin'' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face.
His dad smiled and asked...
"So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"
Johnny replied, "I think I got a fuckin'' dog but I can''t find the son of a bitch."