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Obesity has been getting a lot of bad press recently. Research conducted entirely by thin people, has uncovered justification for their own masochistic obsessive-compulsive, fun-killing anal retentative lifestyles.
One of the great problems with research, of course, is that the researchers tend to find what they''re looking for. And when they find it, they stop looking for other things. It''s important, therefore, not to believe research by pressure groups that start with preconceived ideas.
Examples of findings not to believe: research on the benefits of exercise by phys. Ed. Department, on the hazards of cholesterol by an anorexic and on the joy of obesity by an overweight G. P. The whole obesity phobia was started by some statistics from a life insurance company purporting to show that people who were overweight didn''t live as long as people who were underweight. These were very raw figures and led to some unwarranted conclusions.
First, it was assumed that if the overweight group lost weight they''d live longer. This was totally unproved. It never will be proved, as there are just not enough people to study who''ve lost weight permanently. [95% of those who lose weight gain it back again within 5 years -ed] [and the yo-yo effect of losing then gaining many pounds repeatedly causes a greater health risk than staying overweight. -ed]
Second, it did not address the possibility that the obese group might have another factor affecting lifespan. It seems this is very likely, since the Framington Study showed that if diabetics and those with heart disease were removed from the obese group, the obese group lived longer.
Let''s list some benefits of obesity:
Overeating Is Fun. Make a list of all the pleasures that are in this life and you''ll find the list isn''t very long. The one pleasure that''s life-long and never pales is eating.
Carrying Fat Is Good Exercise. If you believe in exercise (I don''t), surely carrying around 20 or 30 pounds of fat all day should be good for you.
Obese People Are Nicer People. This is not just a hasty remark, but the result of careful clinical observation. I''ve seen an average of 20 patients a day for 30 years. I can tell you that these people are more jolly, more kind, more forgiving and just generally nicer. Although it could be the other way round, losing weight and keeping it off, is so rare that only obsessive-compulsives are able to do it. This may be admirable, but obsessive-compulsives aren''t relaxing people to be with. [I agree. Really thin and athletic people are that way usually from a driving goal-oriented personality. In short, they are assholes. -ed.]
Obese People Represent Superior Adaptation. In days gone by, there were many advantages to being able to convert excess food into fat. The long winters were better survived by those with a reserve of calories.
Climatic Adaptation. Obese people can survive cold better. In particular, their cold-water survival ability has been demonstrated many times.
Obese People Make Better Lovers. This is a fact known to romantics the world over. Bony lovers can never compete with what G.K. Chesterston referred to as the "promise of pneumatic bliss."
Anorexia, a terrible condition, is rare among obese people.
Those who consider the highly trained athlete to be the ideal human might want to consider the greatest duration runner of the animal kingdom, the pronghorn antelope of Wyoming. It can run 95km/h for an hour. It has tremendous lungs, an amazing cardiac output and a maximum oxygen uptake that might deplete the Earth''s resources. So why didn''t this marvel of nature become a widespread species? Since these antelopes have no body fat, and can standneither cold nor lack or food, few survive the Wyoming winter.
Think about it.
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny