Top Sites List , News , Analysis_and_Opinion , Columnists | ODP | 08.01.2009
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| » Site title: Wikipedia: Columnist » Site description: Online encyclopedia article explains the functions of columnists and gives many examples. |
Wikipedia say: Topsites are sites with a ranked listing of different websites, generally related by an overall subject. In many cases a topsite is a directory of related web sites which ranks the listed sites by popularity. Topsite rankings are user generated, usually through voting by visitors (clicks in to the topsite) from member sites or by counting pageviews. Most topsites have an anti-cheat protection system and some display traffic statistics, user ratings, and reviews. Topsites often list a top 50 or top 100 most popular sites with a similar topic. They can be a significant source of free targeted traffic for member sites if that topsite becomes popular. After several early search engines failed, some people thought topsites might replace them.
The defendant who pleads his own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
Q: What''s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?
A: Because they''re used to doing all of their lying indoors.
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses'' asses."
Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: "Mister, watch what you say. You''re in horse country."
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won''t do.
Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. "I don''t understand," Cindy complained. "When people find out I''m a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that?" Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, "Maybe it just saves time."
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look," said one to the other, "Let''s be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There''s a big fire across the street," the doctor replied. "We didn''t want you to think the operation was a failure."
"Your Honor, in the first place, as they say, I am going to say it. I was going to say what you said and the reason I am going to say it, is not because you just said it. If you had not said it, I was going to say it first." You have just witnessed a lawyer speaking to a judge.
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a campaign, they can rarely be recalled. And when they land, they screw up everything forever.
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny