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Randomize humor

Y. O. D. A (To the Village People''s "Y. M. C. A")

(As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
YOUNG MAN, now it''s muddy and brown. I said
YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, ''cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, There''s no need to feel fear. I am
WONDERIN'', tell me why are you here? How you
GROWIN'', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A.
He''s 900 years old!
He''s so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you''ll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN'' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN'', master Yoda not far. I''ll be
HAVIN'' this bright thing that ain''t hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I''LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A.
He''s 900 years old!
He''s so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
Don''t just stand in the rain!
You''re all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, Are you listenin'' to me? I can''t
TRAIN HIM, he''s so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he''s so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU''RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A
You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A
You should stay here and train!
You don''t have to save Han!
If you do so, you''ll lose your hand!

You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A.
(repeat and fade).

Humor of the day

December 26, 1999

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.

I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.

I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.

What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!

That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.

Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.

FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Sincerely,
Little Johnny