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Randomize humor
New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women:
1... Combating Stupidity
2... You, Too, Can Do Housework
3... PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4... How to Fill an Ice Tray
5... We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6... Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7... Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don''t Wash my Silks")
8... Parenting: No, It Doesn''t End With Conception
9... Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10... How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You''re Obviously Wrong
11... Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12... Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13... You: The Weaker Sex
14... Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake After Sex
16... Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17... Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18... You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19... The Morning Dilemma if IT''s awake: Take a Shower
20... I''ll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21... How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It''s Not a Bidet")
22... "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23... Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit
24... How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25... The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26... Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27... Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28... Mother-in-Laws: They are People Too
29... Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30... You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31... Seeing the True You (formerly titled "No, You Don''t Look Like Brad Pitt When Naked")
32... Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33... The Attainable Goal: Omitting TITS From Your Vocabulary
34... Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
35... Techniques of Calling Home
36... Introductory Foreplay: The Drive Home Does Not Count.
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny