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Why We Appreciate Men And How Our Bubbles Get Burst When He Ain''t Prince Charming!! (and added comments)
1. They''ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that''s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.
(At least that''s what his girlfriend/wife says - depending on which YOU are!)
2. They''re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness.
(The *names deleted* of the world. . .teehee!!)
3. They''re enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we''re not.
(Yeh, don''tcha love it when they say you look great. . .just don''t get over 200 lbs!!)
4. They''re beyond enthusiastic about sex.
(OK if they are discriminate. . .about who they are having it with!!)
5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall.
(And don''t be shocked if it is their wife. . ."you helped me through a hard time in our marriage and now it''s better than ever" OR. . ."yes, I confess, I DID have a fling (you!!), but let''s not let that interfere with "us"!!)
6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.
(Well, at least the newly shaved cheek. . .and just so it isn''t back hair!!!)
7. Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires. Sometimes a MYTH!!
(The sexiest man I ever knew - among others - do not have that particular instinct!)
8. Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake.
(And, sometimes to our dismay. . .just their unapologetic lust for a hunk!!) That''s when our female phrase "WHAT a WASTE!!!" comes in handy!!
9. Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around.
(Better than throwing US around. . .)
10. The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backwards of their inner Little Leaguer.
(That is something I will just leave alone. . .kind of cute on some. . .)
11. How tender they get when they cry and how seldom they do it.
[When their team loses. . .or when they are at a pick-up bar and she/he turns out to be just waaaaayyyyyyy too young. . .and the ones who are interested are Madam-look-alikes (as in Madam and Waylon!)]
12. What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.
(. . .at the slot machines or the Baccarat tables. . .OR hitting on their secretaries!)
13. They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.
(Say WHAT!!??!!)
14. They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads.
(Richard Simmons loves HIS Mom and doesn''t remind me one thing of my Dad!! Nor Dave Letterman. . .hmmmmmmm!!??)
15. They don''t mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur.
(I ain''t touchin'' that one cuz I know people with limos!!)
16. Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money - ours as well as theirs.
(well, the ins/outs of about anything and OUR money, in particular)
17. Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills - jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for.
(Some do, some don''t. . .either THEY do it or it gets HIRED done. . . I don''t even want to LEARN that stuff and don''t blame them if THEY don''t!!)
18. They never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say.
(. . .AMEN!!)
19. They rarely lie about their age, their weight or their clothing size.
(. . .don''t get this wrong. . .they DO lie about fishing, money and women!!)
20. How awestruck they are in the face of a Wonderbra or a homemade cookie.
(. . .all with the same enthusiasm!!)
21. How sexy their butts look in jeans.
(. . .this person must know David Bowie!)
22. How sexy their hands look holding ours.
(No contest. . .)
23. Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out.
(. . .and they are pretty decent about it when we exchange it for something we really like, too!!)
24. Their ignorance is usually amusing
(Sometimes. . .depends on OUR mood !!)
(If we are REALLY, REALLY gone on him. . .he is the smartest man in the world, regardless of how ignorant. . .did I say that??!!)
25. They have a great sense of competition
(Good if it is at work/earning $$$$. . .bad if it is notches on belts or bedposts!!)
26. They can make great sex partners
("CAN" is the operative word here. . .usually have to have some in-house training!)
27. They give great hugs, ( and always melt our hearts when a sweet "I love you Princess" is added)
(Princess, Schmitzess. . .all I ask is that I be treated no differently than the Queen!!)
28. Though they often try to hide it, they''re very tenderhearted and caring.
(and they are MASTERS at hiding it. . .oh, to be fair - there ARE moments. . .)
29. They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don''t want them to
(Good when it is hubby/boyfriend. . .BAD when it is David Bowie/Lenny Kravitz)
(REALLY bad when it is Bill Clinton. . .)
30. They don''t care whether colours match but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be
(. . .unless it is at the football game. . .then COLOR counts!!)
31. They can be taught
(. . .and when you get one trained. . .just hang in there as the older they get - the harder to train!!!)
32. They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt.
(More like the Pamper/Binky stage. . .)
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny