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Randomize humor

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn''t watching.
A room temperature IQ.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
Bright as Alaska in December.
One celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests.
Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using it.
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn''t coming.
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
He''s so dense, light bends around him.
If brains were taxed, he''d get a rebate.
If he were any more stupid, he''d have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Humor of the day

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.

The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.

Two days before Christmas, Johnny''s dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning.
Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin'' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin'' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face.

His dad smiled and asked...
"So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a fuckin'' dog but I can''t find the son of a bitch."