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A REALLY Bad Day
So you think you''re having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.
He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle!
Humor of the day
181.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
182.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
183.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
184.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
185.
Q: How do you check a blonde''s IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.
186.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
187.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
188.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don''t have to worry about blowing their brains out.
189.
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don''t shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don''t moo.
190.
Q: Why aren''t BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can''t even keep two calves together!
191.
Q: Why don''t blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
192.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
193.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
194.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
195.
Q: What''s a blonds'' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
196.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde''s eyes?
A: The back of her head.
197.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW''s
A: Because they can''t spell PORSCHE!!
198.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
199.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can''t bring beer from the fridge.
200.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.