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Randomize humor
It''s a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who''s been eating my porridge," he squeaks?
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty!
"Who''s been eating my porridge!," he roars?
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -
"For Pete''s sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who got up first."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who woke everybody else in the house up."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who made the Coffee."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who set the table."
"It was ''Momma Bear'' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat''s water & food dish."
"And, now that you''ve decided to come downstairs and grace ''Momma Bear'' with your presence, ...listen good, ''cause I''m only going to say this one time...
"I haven''t made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!!"
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny