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Randomize humor
A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.
The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What''ll it be?" the bartender says.
The duck says, "I think I''ll have the grapes." "Well, I''m sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don''t serve grapes here. Now, I''ll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."
The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I''ll think I''ll have the grapes."
The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don''t have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don''t serve grapes, so what will you have?!"
The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I''ll have the grapes."
The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I''m going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!"
The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you get?!" "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON''T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? AN APPLIANCE STORE?"
"Good, got any grapes?"
Humor of the day
181.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
182.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
183.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
184.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
185.
Q: How do you check a blonde''s IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.
186.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
187.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
188.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don''t have to worry about blowing their brains out.
189.
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don''t shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don''t moo.
190.
Q: Why aren''t BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can''t even keep two calves together!
191.
Q: Why don''t blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
192.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
193.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
194.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
195.
Q: What''s a blonds'' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
196.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde''s eyes?
A: The back of her head.
197.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW''s
A: Because they can''t spell PORSCHE!!
198.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
199.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can''t bring beer from the fridge.
200.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they''re on the train they can tell if they''re going to work or coming home.