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Randomize humor

- Yo mama''s like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
- Yo mama''s like a bowling ball. She''s picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
- Yo mama''s like a rifle...four cocks and she''s loaded.
- Yo mama''s like a bubble gum machine...five cents a blow.
- Yo mama''s like Chinese food...sweet, sour, and cheap.
- Yo mama''s like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
- Yo mama''s like Burger King... Your way, right away.
- Yo mama''s like a squirrel, she''s always got some nuts in her mouth.
- Yo mama''s like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
- Yo mama''s like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
- Yo mama''s like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
- Yo mama''s like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
- Yo mama''s like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
- Yo mama''s like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
- Yo mama''s like a microwave, one button and she''s hot.
- Yo mama''s like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
- Yo mama''s like a mail box, open day and night.
- Yo mama''s like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."
- Yo mama''s like a turtle, once she''s on her back she''s fucked.
- Yo mama''s like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
- Yo mama''s like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
- Yo mama''s like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
- Yo mama''s like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
- Yo mama''s like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
- Yo mama''s like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
- Yo mama''s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
- Yo mama''s like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
- Yo mama''s like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
- Yo mama''s like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
- Yo mama''s like Pizza Hut, if she isn''t there in 30 minutes... it''s free.
- Yo mama''s like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
- Yo mama''s like a carpenter''s dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
- Yo mama''s like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.
- Yo mama''s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
- Yo mama''s like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
- Yo mama''s like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
- Yo mama''s like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
- Yo mama''s like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
- Yo mama''s like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
- Yo mama''s like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers.
- Yo mama''s like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
- Yo mama''s like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
- Yo mama''s like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
- Yo mama''s like a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"
- Yo mama''s like a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.
- Yo mama''s like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
- Yo mama''s like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.
- Yo mama''s like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
- Yo mama''s like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
- Yo mama''s like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
- Yo mama''s like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
- Yo mama''s like Denny''s... open 24 hours.
- Yo mama''s like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.
- Yo mama''s like McDonalds... What you want is what you get.
- Yo mama''s like mustard, she spreads easy.
- Yo mama''s like the Pillsbury dough boy... everybody pokes her.
- Yo mama''s like lettuce, $1 a head.
- Yo mama''s like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat... the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
- Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said "Sorry...No proffessionals allowed!!!"
-Yo momma''s so fat, when the lord said - "Let There Be Light", he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mama''s teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,"yes please!"
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo momma''s so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo momma''s so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Humor of the day

December 26, 1999

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.

I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.

I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.

What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!

That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.

Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.

FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Sincerely,
Little Johnny