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Randomize humor
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: ''Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?''
The Fairy Godmother replied: ''Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?''
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. ''I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.'' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.
Cinderella said ''Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!'' The Fairy Godmother replied ''It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?'' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: ''I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again.''
At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: ''You have one more wish, what shall you have?''
Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. ''I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man.'' Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother said: ''Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.'' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other''s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.
He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, ''I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don''t you?''
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny