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Randomize humor
Ebonics Version of Windows ''98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled "It be a fresh Window." It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced With a "phat getto track that melts ''em down wit dope-ass bass," The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall - along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with "Dis My Shit."
The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced With "Da Hood."
Users have their choice of two animated screen savers: "Marquee," a lil'' G spray- painting dirty words that move across the screen; or "Flying Bullets," a ''64 Olds'' loaded with gangstas doing a desktop drive by.
Users of the Ebonics version will notice several command and dialogue box changes:
1. Break Back In = Re-entry
2. Aww Shit = Error
3. U Betta Recognize = Delete
4. Itz All Good = OK
5. 4 Real Doe =Yes
6. Hold Up, Dawg = Cancel
7. Do Dat Shit Again = Reset
8. R U Crazy = Are You Sure
9. Hunt Dat Bitch Down = Find
10. Put A Cap In It = Delete
11. Games & Shit = Programs
12. Letter Shit = Documents
The Ebonics version comes standard with a special edition of Microsoft Works titled "Homie Essentials."
The word processing program greatly differs from the main-stream program. Several words on the title bar have been changed:
1. Dat Thang = File
2. I Be Seein'' It = View
3. Put Sumpin In = Insert
4. Hook It Up = Format
5. Stuff I Ain''t gone Need =Tools
6. Number Shit = Table
7. Break In = Window
8. What Da F*C@*K@? = Help
Note: "Stuff I ain''t gone need" (Tools) does not include spelling or grammar check options, and Auto Correct has been replaced with "Keepin'' it Real."
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny