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Randomize humor
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
-Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
-Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
-The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
-The Los Angeles Times, November 2
"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories
-Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking
-The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers
-The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought
-The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
-The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
-Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete
-The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes
-The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows
-The New York Times, March 10
Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies
-The Los Angeles Times, March 2
Scientists see quakes in L.A. future
-The Oregonian, January 28
Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning
-The Buffalo News, February 26
Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold
-Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26
Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer
-Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25
Economist uses theory to explain economy
-Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8
Bible church''s focus is the Bible
-Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994
Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons
-Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6
Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity
-The Chicago Tribune, March 5
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
-Journal of Commerce, April 20
Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person
-The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2
Lack of brains hinders research
-The Columbus Dispatch, April 16
Cement Supplies seen as adequate
-The Bangkok Post, January 28
How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Har
-Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5
Fish lurk in streams
-Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29
Dole loses debate by not winning
-Some newspaper
Humor of the day
December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn''t fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Don''t let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I''ll fuck you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny